


Charmed Existence

by Aklusmos



Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Drug Use, Gen, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, M/M, Overdosing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:48:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24429748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aklusmos/pseuds/Aklusmos
Summary: TK's crew seems to think that he lead a pretty perfect life in New York. His reality, however, is much different.5 times his life really sucked + 1 time it wasn't so bad
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Owen Strand & TK Strand
Comments: 14
Kudos: 232





	Charmed Existence

**Author's Note:**

> Let me start this off by saying I am not a writer. I have written maybe two drabbles in my life but I felt compelled to write this today for some reason. Feel free to roast me in the comments if you think it's some hot garbage. As I am not a writer I do not have a beta so any mistakes are my own.
> 
> I always felt like people on the show got the wrong impression of TK even though he's faced some major struggles. He never seems to correct anybody though even when Judd and Paul made some major assumptions about his life.
> 
> The title comes from Paul's comment in episode 5 when he calls TK "Mr. Charmed Existence"

TK is 8 when the Towers come down.

Everyone on the team always talks about how Owen is a hero and how terrifying it must have been to be at ground zero when it all happened but nobody ever thinks to ask how it must have all looked from TK’s eyes.

The day starts the same as any other with Owen dropping him off to school on one of his days off. TK remembers the sun spilling down between the tall buildings and how it warmed his skin when he walked through the sunlit patches between shadows. He remembers trying to convince his dad to take him to Coney Island the next weekend to take advantage of the last bit of heat from the summer.

They’re partway through the second period when the commotion starts in the hallway and suddenly Vice Principal Jones knocks on the door to the classroom. She quickly whispers something to his teacher before turning to face his class and starts reading off a list of names. She asks those students to follow her, TK is one of them. Vice Principal Jones maintains a smile on her face but there’s a tightness about her eyes that escapes the notice of a group of 8 year olds. They pay her no mind as they follow her down the hallway while joking with each other and thinking themselves lucky for getting out of social studies early.

When they arrive at the library they’re surprised to see other students already gathered, some younger and some older. Another group trails in behind them and the whispers of fellow students creates a dull hum as they speculate the reason for their gathering. Principal Rodriguez walks in and clears his throat to gain their attention and the room falls silent.

He makes a few attempts to start speaking but doesn’t seem to know where to begin, this drives TK’s curiosity even further as he’s never seen the man stumble on his words this much. Finally he seems to find his voice.

“We brought you all here because something has happened; something bad. A plane hit one of the World Trade Centre towers and has collapsed. You’ve all been brought here because it’s been listed as a place of work for one of your parents, we’re currently trying to get in contact with your families to come pick you up but the phone lines have all been busy.”

TK zones out at this thinking there must have been a mistake that lead him here. Neither his mom or dad work in Manhattan, he looks around to grab the attention of one of the assembled teachers to inform them of this. He shouldn’t be here but then he hears the principal continue on.

“Some of your parents have already arrived at the school to take you home, please listen carefully for your name so we can sign you out.”

TK hears his name among that list and wonders why his dad has come back to pick him up but is shocked to find not his dad but his mom when he arrives at the sign out desk. His mom has never shown up at his school in the middle of the day before and a pit of worry starts to form in his stomach. She grips him tightly into a hug before taking his hand and leading him out the doors of the school in silence almost as if she’s afraid to speak. The worry grows from his stomach and up to his chest...something is wrong. That’s when he notices the sky is no longer sunny and happy as it was on the walk to school this morning. There’s thick clouds and the air feels different, heavier. He feels tears well up in his eyes as he turns and looks up at his mother.

“Where are we going? Where’s dad?”

“We’re heading home, he was called into work.”

Her voice sounds off, like she too is trying to hold back tears. His dad being called into work wasn’t totally unusual but it was rare and it didn’t seem like something to be upset about so that must not be what’s worrying her. He starts to ask another question before his mother cuts him off.

“Wait until we get home TK and then we can talk about it.”

His stomach is churning and his chest feels funny but he stays silent on the rest of the walk. When they finally enter their apartment the first thing his mother does is turn on the TV to the news station and then TK catches his first glimpse of what his principal had been talking about. It’s so much worse than he could have imagined. His mom takes a shaky breath and turns back to him.

“Dad is there helping people, we’re going to stay here safe and sound so he doesn’t have to worry about us. I thought we could play some games and then make his favourite supper to welcome him home.”

She puts on a smile but something feels off to TK, they’ve never made a special supper for when dad gets off shift before. TK passes the day playing board games with his mom and then helping her with supper but she seems distracted throughout it all and keeps periodically turning the TV off and on to check the news. Finally shadows start to fall across the living room and his dad is still not home. Mom makes him eat supper and then tries to get him to go to bed but he wants to wait up. She concedes and lets him sit on the couch with her until his eyes grow heavy and finally he drifts off to sleep despite his efforts not to.

His dad doesn’t come home that night.

Three days pass without any word. The tight feeling never leaves his chest even though his mom tries to lie and say everything will be ok. His dad does come back through the door in the early hours of the third day but it’s not the dad that walked him to school earlier that week, something has changed though he can’t pinpoint what.

TK doesn’t think anything will ever be ok again.

* * *

TK is 14 when everyone at his school finds out he’s gay.

Everyone thinks New York is open and accepting and for the most that’s true. But the real truth is that there’s bigots everywhere and teenage boys can be awful.

TK knows he’s gay, has known it for a while. He hasn’t told anybody yet though. He’s thought about telling his mom or dad but every time he’s tried the words seem to stick in his throat so he doesn’t. He tells himself there’s no harm in keeping this secret to himself when there’s nothing to share really, it’s not like he has a boyfriend or anything.

Then he notices Eric.

They share the same gym class together and he can’t help but admire how cool and in control Eric always seems to be. TK is a mess of awkward, gangly limbs that seem to plague most 14 year olds but Eric’s limbs seemed to have missed that memo. It doesn’t matter what the sport of the day is, Eric always seems to master it with confidence and an easy smile.

That smile draws TK in like a moth to a flame. He starts talking to Eric more and more during class just to turn his gaze his way and somewhere along the line they become friends. Being friends with Eric is both amazing and excruciating. They share the same taste in music and video games and a million other things that makes TK’s heart thump that much harder when he’s near.

TK has never told anyone he’s gay but he decides he’s going to start with Eric. Eric who laughs at his dumb jokes and is always up for a game of Mario Cart when his parents are fighting and who, by now, is TK’s best friend.

TK invites him over to his dad’s place while his dad is on shift, he really doesn’t want to run the risk of either of his parents overhearing. They play video games for over an hour before he works up the courage to talk.

“Hey Eric, you know you’re my best friend right?”

“Of course dude, you’re mine too.”

Eric throws out the answer with an easy smile and TK feels his nerves relax. He can do this.  
“I’m gay,” he blurts out. “And I think I’m in love with you.”

He hadn’t meant to include that last bit but it hangs between them now. TK holds his breath waiting for Eric’s response. Eric’s eyes are wide and he doesn’t seem to know what to say. A full minute of silence passes before he finally speaks up.

“What the hell dude?”

He abruptly rises and starts gathering his things. TK starts to panic, this is not how he expected things to go.

“I’m sorry! Please don’t tell anyone.”

Eric’s eyes meet his before quickly darting away and he starts heading for the door.

“I gotta go, see you at school tomorrow.”

And then he’s gone before TK can say anything else.

TK tosses and turns that night thinking that things couldn’t possibly get any worse, anxiety gnawing at his stomach. He’s wrong though, things can and do get worse.

When he enters school the next day he can feel eyes and whispers following him. He tries to tell himself it’s all in his head but when he enters the locker room to get ready for gym class he knows it’s not. The room falls silent when he enters and after a beat there’s a scramble as his classmates hurry to cover themselves up. His stomach drops and he can feel the beginning of tears in his eyes. He refuses to let them fall though, just silently and quickly changes into his gym clothes before getting out of there as fast as possible. As the door starts to swing closed behind him he can hear the conservation resume and a snippet jumps out at him.

“I can’t believe he came onto you like that, who else do you think he’s been eyeing up.”

TK never speaks to Eric again.

* * *

TK is 20 when he graduates from the fire academy.

His current crew seems to believe that his dad has always been his captain but that’s not actually the case. While he has been with his dad for almost all his career he didn’t start out there, he starts out under Captain Stanley.

TK is a legacy, there’s a little bit of extra respect afforded to him compared to the rest of the new recruits. They still call him probie but they give him pot scrubbing duty instead of toilet scrubbing and that’s fine by TK. TK likes his crew and the feeling seems to be mutual as the guys start inviting him out to the bars with them after shift. They even slip him a beer or two even though he doesn’t turn 21 until another few months.

It’s on a night like this that the rug gets pulled out from under him. It starts the same as any with the guys throwing back beers and trying to one up each other on rescue stories. Sully starts telling the story about saving a beautiful red head from a high rise that they all know is only about twenty percent truthful when the door to the bar swings out and another group of men wander in.

Nobody really pays them any mind until Stanley interrupts Sully’s story, “Jesus I thought the homos had their own bars.”

Everyone turns to look at Stanley wondering where that had come from when he gestures with his eyes over to the group of men that had recently walked in. TK looks over and finds one of the men has his arm slung low around another’s hips, they’re obviously together and TK’s got just about enough liquid courage in him to correct his captain when one of crew mates joins in.

“Must have needed a break from the fudge packing district.”

Their table suddenly roars with laughter and TK snaps his mouth shut so fast he hears his jaw click. He needs to get out of here now. He laughs weakly along with the guys as they take turns throwing out jokes at the expense of the men across the bar and when he thinks he can he makes an excuse about needing to head out early. Nobody seems to have noticed his earlier reaction and unenthusiastic laugh and so just give him some friendly teasing about leaving early and wish him on his way.

When he exits the bar and the cold air hits his face the fear rushes up inside of him doubling him over. Things had been going so good lately, too good. TK has been out for years now, it must be a miracle that it’s never come up at the firehouse before. What would the guys do when they found out? His breathes are coming quicker now and he starts to feel queasy. Would they change their world view? Not likely. Could he ever trust them to have his back again? He swallows down hard as he knows the answer is a resounding no.

TK requests a transfer to his dad’s crew the next day.

* * *

TK is 23 when he overdoses the first time.

When the doctor prescribed oxycontin to TK to help with the pain after he blew out his knee during a rescue he doesn’t think about it too hard. He’s seen the drug addicts in the alleys trying to score a hit and they’ve responded to calls where people have overdosed on the stuff but TK’s not worried because he’s not like that. He has a legitimate need for the drug after his surgery and once that’s healed up everything will be fine.

Except recovery isn’t as clear a path as he initially thought. He’s been going to physio and has gotten permission to start ease back but his knee isn’t quite keeping up with the timeline in his head. He just wants to get back out there and start saving people again and he can’t do that if all he can focus on is how his knee feels uncomfortable with the added weight of another person. So sometimes when the alarm goes off he’ll quickly slip a pill so he can give his full focus to the matter at hand. And that works for a while.

He doesn’t even really notice he’s doing it until his pill bottle goes empty. Even then he doesn’t realize how he’s come to rely on them until his first call without a pill. Every step is a chore and he feels like he’s sweating more than usual and when he finally makes it out of the building with a resident he looks more than a little worse for wear. He looks bad enough that his dad feels the need to comment.

“Are you doing ok there TK?”

“I think I tweaked my knee again.”

The lie slips out before he can think about it, because yeah he feels terrible but it’s not his knee causing the pain.

“Alright go get the EMT’s to check you out. Can’t risk going back in with a bum knee.”

TK wanders over to the EMTs but there’s not much they can confirm in the field so they tell him to get it checked out by his doctor. TK nods in agreement and sets up an appointment for the next day.

Unsurprisingly his doctor says his knee will be fine but he does agree to give him one more refill to help manage the pain while it fully heals. TK resumes his habit of slipping a pill every call out and when his pill bottle runs dry again he doesn’t bother going back to his doctor but to a dealer instead. He still has everything under control he thinks to himself, but that control starts to slip further and further away. Now he’s not taking a pill every call out but one before and one after. And if he washes one down with a beer after a hard shift to help relax then that’s nobody’s business but his own.

He feels great until he doesn’t. When he finds he can’t get through even an off shift day without a few pills he knows he’s lost all control but has no way to gain it back. His dad is already dealing with nasty divorce number two so he doesn’t need TK to come whining to him about things he should be able to fix himself. He keeps telling himself that today will be the last day.

He doesn’t really remember what happened only that he had gone out to a club the night before and he’s somehow now in a hospital bed feeling like a bag of dirt with his throat burning. Except his dad tells him it wasn’t the night before that he went out but three nights ago and if TK feels like a bag of dirt his dad looks like one. Owen’s clothes are rumpled, his normally immaculate hair in disarray and bags are forming under his eyes. Guilt claws up his throat because he did that, he put that wild-eyed look of worry in his dad’s face and then he’s crying, sobbing before his thoughts can take him any further.

“I’m sorry, I thought I could manage. I was fine and then I couldn’t stop.”

His dad pulls his face to his shoulder and lets him sob and then his dad is crying with him. They’re still tangled up together when his dad starts pushing the blame on himself, “I should have noticed, I’m your dad and your captain. I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.”

The guilt sits heavy on his chest as he talks it out with his dad in that hospital room, he doesn’t even try to argue when his dad insists on getting him professional help. The time he lost and the look on his dad’s face scares him.

TK packs his bags and heads to rehab the next day.

* * *

TK is 26 when his heart gets smashed.

Looking back it probably hurt so much because he was flying so high before the fall. He’s been sober for three years now, he made a great rescue today, the 252 feels like home and he’s in love.

Unfortunately it seems like love is unrequited and that’s the first blow in his downward spiral. He’d been so sure and yet so wrong. He keeps rewinding his conversation with Alex wondering how he’d gotten it so wrong.

He can feel his heart splintering as Alex apologizes once again and gets up from the table. TK feels numb and he feels like everyone in the restaurant must know what just happened even though the whole conversation was quiet, not a single raised voice. His heart is falling to pieces and now all he can think about how embarrassing it would be if he cried in front of all these people. He’s sitting alone at this stupid fancy table and he needs to get out of here.

He manages to smile and apologize to the host about leaving before ordering but she just gives him a sad smile that tells him she must have heard what happened. He flushes with embarrassment and manages to exit the restaurant without making a further scene of himself.

The ring weighs heavy in his pocket and suddenly he can’t wait to get rid of it. It’s an ugly reminder of what just happened. His chest aches and he just needs something to distract him from the pain. He tells himself he needs the pills just for tonight and then he’s done with them again. He’ll put this whole thing behind him then.

TK doesn’t remember how many he takes, only that it turns out to be too many.

* * *

TK is 27 and life is great.

The stars seem to have finally aligned for once in his life. His dad is healthy once again, he loves his crew and his heart is finally starting to mend itself back together. He feels completely invincible which is why he doesn’t think twice before giving Carlos a lingering kiss in the middle of the dance floor as the song ends before meandering over to the bar to get them some drinks.

He’s distracted watching Carlos saunter back to their group so he doesn’t notice the guy next to him frown in his direction. He’s turning towards the bar to place his order when the guy mumbles, “faggot.”

TK rolls his eyes and opts to ignore him. He’s dealt with so much in his life that it’ll take more than that to set him off. His neighbour doesn’t seem to appreciate being ignored and says louder this time, “faggot.”

TK still isn’t overly bothered but Judd arrives at the bar next to him just in time to hear it.

“What the hell did you just say?”

Judd’s voice is loud and draws the attention of their fellow patrons. TK sighs, “Judd, just leave it.”

The guy's face starts to crinkle with worry a bit as he sizes Judd up and decides he doesn’t want to fist fight with a giant. He cuts his losses and disappears back into the crowd before Judd can confront him.

“Didn’t you hear what he called you? That’s not ok.”

“I heard and I don’t need you to lose your cool and get us kicked out of here. It’s not the first time someone has said something like that to me and it probably won’t be the last.”

Judd’s jaw drops and he’s speechless as TK picks up the two glasses of water that just arrived on the bar and makes his way back to their group.

TK drops a quick kiss to Carlos’ temple as he hands over the water. He knows he hasn’t shared much of his New York life with his crew but he kind of wants to keep it that way. He likes the life they imagined for him and thinks maybe those thoughts have helped build this reality. There’s always going to be terrible people and bad things will still happen but they don’t matter so much when you have friends and family that you know will go to the ends of the earth for you.

Right now he really does feel like he has a charmed existence.


End file.
